Why oh why...must this happen to me? Sianz... u know wat? I think i'm gonna suffer from Depression soon. Lost of loved ones, no mood to work, got great family members though, but still it feels as though something is missing. I really cannot identify what it is, but i just know that something is missing.
Let's list down a couple of things which could be a possibility ok...let's see... 1) A new handphone? Blackberry? 2) A loved one? Like Granny? 3) A boyfriend? Like him? 4) Good friends whom we can alwiz count on when we're in need? 5) Baking ingredients? So that i can bake my sorrows away? 6) A new set of cable channels so that i don't watch the same show everyday? 7) A ticket to wherever i wanna go? ENGLAND?! 8) My cousins? 9) My Papa? I think it must be my Papa...
Come to think of it, i miss Papa so much i think i can cry at just the thought of losing him. All the times that we've spent together, going to the Zoo every single year, going back to M'cca to visit my Grandparents etc. I remember a photo of our family sitting in our 'Papasan' chair. It's currently on my dressing table. I miss the times when he would carry me and sit on his shoulders and we would then walk around with him alwiz wearing his Rayban sunglasses. Hehehe...
But on that day when he left this world, I was still so young that I didn't understand. Hello, 5 yrs old! What do you expect?! Love him so much, even though it was only 5 yrs that i manage to spent with him. He's after all still my dad. At least i manage to spent that 5 yrs, Heidi didn't even manage to spent a single moment of her life with him. But that's the main reason why I'd vow that there'll never be anything that will happen to her! NEVER. And if anything were to happen, I'd kill whoever who has anything to do with it! As in literally kill...
BUT
Oh well, i'm not after that heartless la, i'll let the person explain himself/herself first, then i'll kill... But jokes aside, Heidi is all that I have after Papa left. And of cos Mummy la. I've lived in this world long enough to learn and gain as much experience from whoever it may be. That's why i'm strong. But no matter how strong a person can be, he/she must still except the fact that there is definitely someone else out there who is stronger...So however strong a person can be, we must still be humble and learn from others. If this person can teach or is worthy of learning something, then be humble and learn...Pass no comments and accept it graciously.
This is something that i've learnt during my lifetime, and i will definitely pass it on to those loved ones around me. Like now, i'm full of things to worry and settle. But I don't even know where to start. But like what Mummy alwiz say, go back to the Gohonzon...though I find it rather difficult, but i still have to try...
So here goes nothing...i'm gonna lay down all the prayers and ensure that I pray ernestly for the happiness of not only myself, but for others as well. I wanna be happy! But of cos it would be a plus point if I could be happy and share the happiness with the ones I love.
